Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
