i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize