remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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