Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
