Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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