just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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