dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
