so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
