So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
