Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
