We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
