win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
