I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
