dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
do nipples grow back?
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