Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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