I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
