Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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