Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
