I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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