How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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