Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
