I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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