WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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