I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
