he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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