It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
