I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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