So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is wine microwaveable?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
