doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
