dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize