It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
