I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
