GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
