i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize