we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
