Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
