I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
