her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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