i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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