I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
did you just send me my own nude
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
