i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
