I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
