Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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