I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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