im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
