We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
