I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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