You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
