I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
