I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
