Pappa wants mamma naked
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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