Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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