if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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