My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
