they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
