Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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