Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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