I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
