she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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