at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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