Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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