watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it because I queefed?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
