she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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