I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
