Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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