Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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