I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We need to get me chipped asap
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
