also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
